crumbs...

2012-01-19T17:52:00.001-08:00

"When we speak about wisdom, we arespeaking of Christ.
When we speak about virtue, we are speaking of Christ.
When we speak about justice, we are speaking of Christ.
When we speak about peace, we are speaking of Christ.
When we speak about truth and life and redemption,
we are speaking of Christ."

— St. Ambrose of Milan

The end of the world? The end of a world.

2011-11-27T23:41:00.001-08:00

I've never been big on following the Christian calendar. Not that I trivialize its role in people's faith, but I guess it just hasn't been part of my church culture growing up. But over the last few years, I've come to at least acknowledge, the comings and goings of important markers in the life of the Church.
As such, Advent is among us! More than just a reminder that we have 4 weeks until our next work holiday, Advent is all about eager anticipation of the coming. I've often heard people compare the waiting and preparation of the advent season to a woman expecting a baby - pregnant with hope, the coming of peace and joy from the womb of the infinite source of life, to proclaim the end of the world? to proclaim the end of a world.

DREAMs deferred... for now...

2010-12-18T23:25:00.001-08:00

Article from the Huffington Post by: Josh Hoyt, Director of the Illinois Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights

Posted: Saturday, December 18, 2010; 04:42pm

Democracy for Some

Today our Democracy was expanded when the U.S. Senate voted to allow gay men and women to serve proudly and openly in defense of our nation. But today Illinois Senator Mark Kirk joined a Republican filibuster and, with a minority of 41 votes, also blocked the DREAM Act from coming to a vote in the Senate. This effectively killed the hopes of thousands of undocumented immigrant children to earn their legal status by going to college or joining the U.S. military to defend our nation.

The action by this minority of Republican senators was a disgraceful action of partisan gamesmanship. Polls show that the overwhelming majority in the U.S. support the DREAM Act as a reasonable first step in solving our broken immigration system. In Illinois 79% of voters polled in the most recent election supported the DREAM Act, including 67% of those who voted for Sen. Kirk. Former Republican Governor Edgar penned a public call of support in the Tribune. Twelve Illinois college and university presidents signed a public letter calling for passage of DREAM. The DREAM Act had passed the House of Representatives, and the majority of the 100 Senators would have voted to pass it. But the DREAM Act will not be called for a vote this Congress.

Instead, the actions of Senator Kirk and this Republican minority to block a vote on the DREAM Act mean that the hopes of thousands of young people have been crushed today. These DREAMERS were brought here as minors by their parents. They know no other country, and have been educated here with taxpayer dollars. But now they cannot get work legally, cannot drive legally, cannot get loans or grants to go to college, have no path to become legal in the U.S., and cannot even join our military. They live their lives under the constant threat of deportation. Today's action means that when Cindy graduates from the University of Chicago this spring she will not be able to become a school teacher. It means that Edward cannot use the business degree he earned from the University of Illinois last year. It means that Ernesto cannot fulfill his dream to join the U.S. Marines.

In addition Sen. Kirk and his colleagues cheapened our American Democracy today. A Democracy is not real when it prevents some 12 million illegal workers who contribute with their toil in our fields, our restaurants, and our hotels from having any way at all of becoming legal. We cannot say we live in a great Democracy when we tell children that we will punish them with exclusion and condemn them to the margins because of the decisions of their parents. This is un-Democratic. It is also an attack on the deepest call of our faith to love and charity, which is why the leaders of Catholic, Evangelical, Jewish and Muslim faiths were united in support of the DREAM Act.

During his recent successful Senatorial campaign Sen. Kirk promised to work for bi-partisan solutions. He went on Spanish language T.V. promising to support Latino families. Then today he voted against Latino and other immigrant children. This will not be forgotten.

Republicans have shown no willingness to support any measure to fix our broken immigration system, other than border security measures. Therefore President Obama should declare a moratorium on the deportation of DREAM students and immigrant workers who have committed no crime.

But our faith in our Democracy and our religious faith is why we understand that we will eventually win this battle, for both the DREAM students and for their parents. The history of our nation is one of a constant struggle for inclusion in this Democracy. We fought to include slaves, and then women, and now immigrant youth and their parents. Today, even while the DREAM Act was failing, a simultaneous filibuster was defeated and now gays will be able to openly defend our nation. Democracy marches forward.

Politically the next several years look grim for DREAM students and their parents. The same Republican leaders who fought to defeat the DREAM Act and immigration reform now step into positions of greater power. But these Republican leaders have seen the historic mobilizations by Latinos and immigrants for immigration reform this year. They have seen the determined and effective leadership of DREAM students. They saw how an angered Latino electorate preserved Democrats in power in the Senate. They have seen that public opinion overwhelmingly supports the DREAM Act and legalization for the parents of the DREAMERS.

Just as blacks and women and gays are now equal in the U.S., so too will undocumented immigrants be able to come out of the shadows. The situation for immigrants today looks bad and the opposition seems united and unmoving. But in recent history we have seen seemingly unmovable forces against freedom come crashing down. We have seen the end of the oppression of the Shah of Iran, of Apartheid in South Africa, of the Soviet Iron Curtain, and of the Marcos dictatorship in the Philippines. The drive for freedom is strong, and the systematic exclusion of DREAM students and their parents from our American Democracy will come to a similar crashing end.

In Illinois we thank President Obama for his forceful support for the DREAM Act. We thank Senator Dick Durbin, Congressman Luis Gutierrez, and Congressman Jan Schakowsky for their tireless leadership for the DREAM Act and for legalization for the DREAMERS parents. We thank Congressmen Quigley, Bean, Foster, Jackson, Rush, Davis, Hare, and Halvorson for their consistent support. But to Senator Mark Kirk; to the united Republican Congressional delegation, led by Congressman Peter Roskam; as well as to Democrat Congressman Dan Lipinski -- every one of whom worked to block bi-partisan solutions for immigration reform and to filibuster the DREAM Act -- we say: "Shame!"

Documented, Undocumented ... who cares?

2010-12-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

The November elections really pushed immigration to the forefront as many candidates ran on anti-immigrant platforms, asking the American public to choose sides in this messy debate. As a result of growing anti-immigrant sentiments around the country leading to an increase in heavy handed immigration enforcement tactics, more and more people have come to our office seeking help. As such ive grown equally more and more frustrated with, not only congress' inability and unwillingness to offer constructive solutions that can benefit both immigrant communities and America at large, but also with the American public's growing opposition to helping "illegals".
The most common argument by far, and the root of people's stiff-necked refusal to offer any type of relief for immigrants is the claim that they are here "illegally", and therefore should not receive a single thing for being law breakers.

This claim is very frustrating for those who have opened a history book. The fact is that the dichotomy of "documented and undocumented" is based on a false premise - the premise that our immigration system, which separates the documented from the undocumented, is just and functions properly. This dichotomy from which so many American's base their voting choices, and from which members of congress often create policies, rests on shaky ground. This immigration system, that either puts people on a path or disqualifies them from citizenship, is antiquated and incomplete with it's most recent overhaul being under Reagan in 1986 (The Immigration Reform and Control Act - IRCA), and even then, the reforms of IRCA did not take into consideration long term effects on American society, particularly in the labor market. From 1986 to 2010, the immigration system has been shaped by placing a patchwork of laws wherever leaks occur in the system. This patchwork of laws is short sighted and lacks a longer term vision for integrating immigrant communities into society (and we must have a program for integration because it is simply logistically and economically unfeasible to deport every single undocumented immigrant from this country. Anyone who argues against this must have been sleeping for the last 3 years while the recession has taken place.) Instead, this patchwork of laws offers temporary fixes with empty futures and dead ends for hard working immigrants who "play by the rules". This is terribly unjust.

Back when California first became a state in the 1850s, governing bodies were forming, and the state constitution and laws were ratified, there were clauses within certain laws that stated that if you are eligible for citizenship you were granted the rights to x,y,z. For example, if you are eligible for citizenship, you could testify in court against a white person. If you are eligible for citizenship, you could own land. If you are eligible for citizenship you could mine in the local mines without paying a hefty land tax. If you are eligible for citizenship...
But this begs the question, who then is eligible for citizenship, what system is used to determine who is eligible and who is not? The answer: Only free whites are eligible for citizenship... everyone else, ineligible. This hardly seems just.

The system that distinguished people as "eligible for citizenship" or "ineligible for citizenship", just as the system categorizing people as "legal" vs "illegal", is inherently flawed. Therefore, any laws that rest their basis on these stipulations are unjust. And as Martin Luther King Jr. says, "one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws".

What kind of society are we, what kind of human beings are we, when we close our doors to people who refuse to lie down, but rather fight to choose Life?

What kind of society faults the mother who loses her child to a preventable disease, who climbs a mountain, and crosses a river to save her second child from that very same disease?

What kind of society condemns the farmer who leaves his native land for America, because foreign trade agreements have undercut his profits, and now unable to feed his family, he would rather break the law than watch his family starve to death?

What kind of society criminalizes the youth who came when he was months old, knows no other home but America, studies hard, and wants to become a contributing member of society?

What kind of society are we when we turn away those who are so adamantly fighting for Life, all because they don't have a piece of paper, the basis of which is an arbitrary path to obtaining documents?

This is not an open endorsement for anarchy or a complete disregard for the law, but it is an endorsement for change, for a feasible solution that will help America recover from this economic depression, and allow immigrants to thrive in this nation, moving us forward together. It is an endorsement for a rational and humane approach to reforming our immigration system.

As people of faith we must ask:

Looking through the Gospels, when has Jesus ever put laws above humanity? I would propose, never.

Conversely, looking through those same gospels, when has Jesus put a human life above a law? I couldn't contain the count on 2 hands...

The law was created for people, not people for the law.

When followers of Christ confuse these priorities, we become slaves to that which Christ came to free us.

I refuse to be bound by injustice, or to let those around me be bound by injustice.
I refuse to allow fear to dictate my life.
I refuse to bow to a system that does not respect the sacredness of our God-given humanity.
I refuse to ignore the face of Jesus in my neighbor, documented or not.

I will choose Life.

DREAM

2010-11-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

Post by Gabe Gonzalez on Huffington Post
Posted: November 17, 2010 02:51 PM
Campaign Director, Campaign for Community Change

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

I keep thinking about this poem. I keep thinking about this poem and our country.

When Langston Hughes wrote this poem, he was speaking clearly about the African American experience. How the American Dream seemed not for them. How their personal dreams so often were deferred by a system so entrenched that we have yet, in 2010, to dig our way out.

How unfortunate that now these lines can be applied to so many more of us.

The dreams of homeowners, dutifully attempting to hang on, only to have robo-signers and big banks take it away. The dreams of workers, trading their youth and vigor for a chance at getting ahead, only to be told, their energy spent, they aren't needed anymore. The dreams of our seniors, who worked hard their whole lives, now being told to work a little longer for a little less, as they see their Social Security on the chopping block.

I think about the dreams of undocumented youth in this country. I see them in their ROTC uniforms, begging for a chance to serve. I see them holding their report cards, A's straight down the length of it, begging for a chance to study harder, learn more. I see them, and I worry about another dream deferred.

Our country was built on big dreams. How else could 13 colonies stand up to the greatest empire in the world? How else could these colonies form a more perfect union, dedicated to justice and liberty? How else could we dig out of the Great Depression? How else could we rebuild Europe after the insanity Hitler unleashed on it? How else could we send a man to the moon? How else could we spearhead a technological revolution that put computers in your hand and the immensity of human learning at our fingertips? All dreams made real. All American Dreams.

And yet so many remain deferred.

In the next six weeks, Congress will debate and vote on the DREAM act. What it does is simple -- if you were brought to this country as a child, are in school or have graduated from an American school, if you wish to serve this country or continue your studies and if you have no felony police record, then the DREAM Act would allow you to stay here. It would allow you to legalize your status conditionally and put you on the path to joining this country as a fully functioning citizen.

Yes, it would give them rights. Among others, the right to pay income taxes, the right to pay into the Social Security program, the right to serve in the military, the right to join a union and fight for the rights of others.

Right now it's a dream deferred. A dream for people like Michael Nazario, a young man who grew up in Arizona and wants nothing more than to serve in the Marines. Or Carlos Roa, a 23-year-old man who is now studying architecture after being denied an opportunity to enlist in the armed forces.

Now the realization of this DREAM rests in the hands of 535 men and women in the U.S. Congress. Let's call on them to do the right thing. Let's help them to make this DREAM a reality. Let's make sure that this is a dream that is not, once again, deferred.

Call your Senator at (866) 996-5161 and demand a vote to pass the DREAM Act.

Franciscan Prayer

2010-11-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, at half-truths, and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice oppression and exploitation of people so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems, and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love an pray for this day, and forevermore.

Amen.

excuse me, are we in 1882?

2010-11-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

Talk about modern day yellow peril on a global scale! I can't believe no one can stop ads like this from going on air! Unfortunately, during this midterm election season, it seems that blatantly racist, xenophobic ads that play on stereotypes and unfounded fears are now the norm.

and the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air...

2010-10-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

anyone who knows me knows i've never been much for the red, white, and blue, but i must say that one of my favorite things about baseball games is the singing of the national anthem... today i was standing in a tacqueria in the mission watching the start of game 2 of the World Series on the restaurant's tv. i stood in front of the salsa bar on the verge of tears as Lady A sang the National Anthem.

There's just something about tens of thousands of people, standing in silence, in reverence of something much bigger than ourselves, that is deeply moving. and Even though i don't think this is the best place on earth, or that we're faultless by any means, or that our policies don't directly cause poverty, death, and destruction in foreign countries, but in that moment, standing amongst the masses, i'm grateful to be here, and hopeful for what we can become together.

"fear is a friend who's misunderstood"...

2010-10-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

A word on fear from "The Life of Pi":

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread. Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you."

Welcome to late 20s...

2010-09-01T00:07:00.000-07:00

So this is what 27 feels like... not bad...

whatever you want to call it...

2010-08-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

"Our most important task as disciples is to open the table of welcome to others, not because the table of gifts is ours to give, but because we are already always beneficiaries of and witnesses to grace upon grace."

-- Norma Wirzba

Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it. -- George Santayana

2010-05-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

You remember being in middle school, flipping through the yearbook, and coming across someone you're not particularly fond of? As a kid, you'd take a pen and scratch their face out, right? These days, i find myself doing the same, only this time, I'm scratching Arizona off all my US maps... i dont usually write political/social commentary on this blog, but i have to say, what's happening in Arizona is so maddening!

The recent laws signed and passed by Arizona Governor Jan Brewer are so blatantly ignorant, racist, and ethnocentric, it shocks me that this is happening here and now. Stripping immigrants, and people who look like immigrants, of their constitutional rights to due process and protections against unreasonable searches and seizures, and consciously choosing educational curriculum that teaches only one story, white European American history, what's next? Herding all people of color into concentration camps? or is that on the agenda for 2015?

Let's be clear about what this really is: This is fearful white America's fucked up attempt to remain in control of a country that is ever so quickly becoming a minority majority.

Governor Jan Brewer and other Arizona state electeds are leading the state down an ugly road, and setting dangerous precedent for the rest of the country. The world is not unfamiliar with people of power and privilege flexing their muscles by squelching the basic human rights of people who are different, and shamelessly omitting historic atrocities from their educational system. Or have we forgotten Germany's denial of the Holocaust? Or the fact that Japan terrorized and pillaged most of Asia for centuries, yet, even today, refuses to acknowledge the pain that they've inflicted on generations of people?

Arizona's laws, meant to "secure the land" and prevent "resentment towards the US government or towards an ethnic group", will only breed that which they aim to end. When the US citizen children of immigrants (racially profiled, whether documented or not) come of age to participate in civic life as elected officials and/or voters, do the people of Arizona think that these citizens will easily forget the racist laws aimed at criminalizing their parents? When the young adults of Arizona step outside their borders and realize that they were fed (white) American history and robbed of a well-rounded education, does the school board of Arizona really believe that these students will not feel "resentment towards their government" and the ethnic group that enacted such a backwards law?

Supporters of the new law banning ethnic studies argue that public tax dollars should not be spent on classes "designed for pupils of a particular ethnic group". What these supporters are advocating instead are classes in "US History", but what they fail to recognize is that ethnic studies classes are not classes on the history of Mexico, or the history of China, those are world history classes. Ethnic studies classes teach students about the experiences and contributions of ethnic groups within the United States. Ethnic studies classes are US History classes.
To deny ethnic studies is to deny any non-white contribution to society. It is to invalidate any non-white American historical experience. It is to study history only from the perspective of the victor, where other figures are reduced to objects of the victor's story, and not recognized as equally relevant, participating subjects. By banning ethnic studies from the state of Arizona, educators are relegating students to a partial understanding of United States history, thereby ensuring that future generations will continue to perpetuate the myth that white European American history is the only valid and legitimate story of this country, and implying that white Americans are the only people of value in this society.

European American history is NOT US history.

It is a part of a larger picture of Asian-American, African-American, Latino-American, and Native American history. These classes are not just aimed towards a particular ethnic group, they're open to all students. In fact, Arizona would be a much less ignorant state if more whites chose to take ethnic studies classes. Perhaps then as a society, we can move forward rather than perpetuating the mistakes of Jim Crow South, Nazi Germany, or South African apartheid.

Diffusing resentment towards whites and towards the United States government cannot involve using the legal system to victimize an entire group of people, nor can it involve a systematic and deliberate denial of historical facts. It must involve a recognition and acceptance of the past, no matter how ugly. It must involve a resolution to move away from criminalizing people and creating a category of second class citizens within the United States. It must involve unitedly working towards a just and humane society, that treats all human beings as fellow sharers in the presence of God.

This is perhaps the most oft forgotten, yet important, fact when it comes to violence against body and soul: That we are all sharers in the presence of God, and in God's presence there is no room for fear, isolation, or despair.

well said Henri...

2010-03-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

"For the last few days, the course has dealt primarily with the new agricultural law. A lawyer from Lima came to explain the law, and triggered a lively debate about the way the poor campesinos would be affected by it. Most pastoral workers felt that this law was simply one more way in which the poor would be made poorer. The law opened the way for rich people who had lost their land during the agrarian reform to reclaim it. One of the French pastoral workers presented an alternative law that would serve the poor farmers. This law had been formulated by the campesinos themselves, with the help of leftist lawyers and economists.

When I reflect on these legal debates and discussions, I become strongly aware of the new style of this liberation-oriented Church. It would have taken an outsider a long time to find out that this was a group of priests, nuns, and Catholic laymen and laywomen dedicated to the preaching of the Gospel. The style of the dialogue, the fervor of the discussions, and the ideological language suggested a meeting of a political party rather than a church group. I feel that this was true not only for the formal sessions, but also for the informal relationships between the participants - during meals, and coffee breaks. Yet these men and women from France, Spain, Italy, and the United States have left their countries to serve the poor of Peru in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Their religious dedication has led them into the lives of the poor. Therefore the sophisticated and highly critical analysis of the new agrarian law was for them not purely political but a necessary step in the struggle for freedom for the people of God.

Yet the two churches are gradually developing in Peru, and they are at the point where they are no longer able to talk to each other. On the one side is the Church that speaks primarily about God, with little reference to the daily reality in which the people live; on the other side is the Church that speaks primarily about the struggle of the people for freedom, with little reference to the divine mysteries to which this struggle points. The distance between these Churches is growing. This morning I went to the Cathedral of Cuzco, and when I walked from altar to altar and statue to statue and listened to the monotone voice of a priest saying Mass, I suddenly felt a deep pain. I would never feel at home any more in this traditional church, but will I ever in the Church of la lucha?"

-- Henri Nouwen

What is "the gospel"?

2010-03-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend asked me, "so... what is "the gospel"?"

i stumbled my way through a generic answer interspersed with nervous laughter, because even as i uttered the words, i myself couldn't imagine anyone wanting a part of "the gospel" i described. (i said that "the gospel", when used in church settings, like the one we were discussing, most commonly means the Jesus story... that Jesus came to earth, lived as fully man, and fully God, died on a cross for our sins, and rose from the dead for our redemption.").

And while that answer maybe factually correct, something didn't sit right with me... i heard myself saying it, and it sounded like a distant fairy tale, something that happened thousands of years ago that has no impact on us today, except to accept this story intellectually.

But i dont believe that the gospel is limited to that... the gospel is alive, it's powerful, it changes people, it gives us hope to live for something much larger than ourselves.

The gospel is "the good news" of Jesus Christ, but not just the salvation story (coming, dying, and raising to life), but the good news of Jesus' life, and the things Jesus brought to earth (symbolically and physically).

Just before Jesus was born, Mary went to visit her cousin Elizabeth and said:

"My soul exalts the Lord,
⁴⁷And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
⁴⁸"For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
⁴⁹"For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name.
⁵⁰"and His mercy is upon generation after generation
toward those who fear him.
⁵¹"He has done mighty deeds with His arm;
He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart.
⁵²"He has brought down rulers from their thrones,
And has exalted those who were humble.
⁵³"He has filled the hungry with good things;
And sent away the rich empty-handed.
⁵⁴"He has given help to Israel His servant,
In remembrance of His mercy,
⁵⁵As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and his descendants forever." (Luke 1:46-55)

Mary spoke of the God who comes to establish the Kingdom of Heaven through the child in her womb.

As Jesus began his ministry, he proclaimed these words about himself in the temple that corroborates Mary's song:

¹⁶He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. ¹⁷The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:
¹⁸"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
¹⁹to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

²⁰Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, ²¹and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."(Luke 4:16-20).

Jesus confirms Mary's song, and says with his own lips, that Jesus has come to fulfill this scripture. That Jesus will
"preach good news to the poor"
"proclaim freedom for the prisoners"
"recovery of sight for the blind"
"release the oppressed", and
"proclaim the year of the Lord's favor".

This is why Jesus came. He came to embody freedom, reconciliation, healing, wholeness, and to teach us how to be good to one another. This is the Good News of Jesus Christ, the ushering in of the Kingdom of God. This is the gospel.

God and Freedom...

2010-03-18T22:13:00.001-07:00

"The search for God is the search for freedom, and that the search for freedom is the search for God. Many people who are deeply involved in the struggle for water, for light, for schools, and for health care do not perceive this as a search for God. And many who attend churches, walk in processions, and bless their houses with holy water do not experience this as a struggle for freedom. This is not uncommon. Even the Hebrews who left Egypt did not fully understand the meaning of the events in which they were participating. It is precisely in the reflection on the events of the people that the search for God and the struggle for liberty are connected and can deepen each other."

-- Henri Nouwen on Gustavo Gutierrez

i woke up and my pillow was gone...

2010-02-23T12:36:00.000-08:00

So i never really appreciated the beauty of toasted breakfast food... in fact i intentionally avoided all bread goods that were purposely browned for that hard, dry, mouth scratching effect. YUCK... (plus it often made the roof of my mouth bleed...) until lately... i've recently switched over from English muffins to bagels and mmm... boy...
so i spread the cream cheese on the bagel before toasting, and let me tell you, it's like eating a roasted marshmallow for breakfast! (and I dont even like roasted marshmallows... which is why this makes absolutely no sense!). That crispy outer layer of the bagel; followed by a soft, chewy layer; and topped off with slightly melted cream cheese sandwiched in between... MmMMmm!

Change...

2010-02-01T20:04:00.000-08:00

i been reading the biography of Henri Nouwen lately and its been real good... From the way this author portrays him, i don't actually think i would want to spend too much time with Nouwen, but it's been real interesting to read his journey. At one point Nouwen spent time living in Bolivia and Peru during a tumultuous time in the history of many Central and South American countries with political and economic instability. It caused him to wrestle with his faith, his vocation, and his understanding of God...

It changed him.

"Nouwen's experience in Latin America created a social dimension in his own spiritual journey. He became aware that the pilgrimage with God in the world is a pilgrimage with God's people in their struggle for liberation from all the social, political, and economic forces that deny their dignity, create their hunger, and allow their oppression. By living with the poor, he knew first hand the meaning of poverty, where there is no food, no water, and no shelter; he experienced insecurity in being unsafe on the streets because of military control and political domination. He came to realize that religious expression is more about a group of people searching for God's love in the ordinary events of life and death in their neighborhoods than in the rituals of institutions or churches. [...] The struggle to which the God of the bible called people was much longer than the struggle for political or economic rights. It is a struggle against all the forces of death, wherever they become manifest, a struggle for life in the fullest sense."

Theology, Hospitality, ... and Christmas

2010-01-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

"The final words of Mary at the Annunciation - "You see before you the Lord's servant; let it happen to me as you have said" - show clearly the aim of all theology. They create the inner space in which God's word can happen to us. The purpose of theological understanding is not to grasp, control, or even use God's word, but to become increasingly willing to let the word of God speak to us, guide us, move us, and lead us to places far beyond our own comprehension."

-- Henri Nouwen

Dios es Amor...

2010-01-13T13:37:00.000-08:00

After rigorously grilling the respondent, the prosecutor asked the young man on the stand, "Sir, I noticed you've been writing on your hand, are you taking notes of the case?"
"No." replied the young man.
"May I ask, what are you writing on your hand?"

"Dios es amor.
Dios es amor.
Dios es amor."

--

hospitality...

2010-01-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

i been reading the biography of Henri Nouwen, and its been pretty interesting... There's this little bit on Nouwen's views of Loneliness and Hospitality, and it says:

"Hospitality is the ability to pay attention to guests (concentration) and create an empty space where guests can find their own souls (community). For Nouwen, this is a healing ministry because it takes away the illusion that wholeness can simply be given by one to another. It does not remove the loneliness and pain of the other person but invites them to recognize their loneliness on a level where it can be shared."

i like that... listening to one another, paying attention to one another, "creating an empty space where guests can find their own souls"...

God,
May our lives manifest this liberating hospitality, that through this, those who rest in it's midst may continually catch glimpses of your face and find comfort.
In Jesus Name,
Amen.

Caz Time

2010-01-04T10:22:00.001-08:00

you know Peter, put away the sword...

2009-11-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been on this Caedmon's Call kick... and I came across this song, "I will sing"... It drives me crazy that the only version I have is joined with "Carry On", a song that i have very low tolerance for... Anyway, here it goes:

"I will sing for the meek
those who pray with their very lives for peace
though they're in chains for a higher call
their mourning will change when the nations fall

In spirit poor
and mercy rich
they hunger for Your righteousness
their hearts refined by the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing"

i been thinking some about this idea of "praying with our very lives for peace"...
Are we really willing to move from "praying with our lips for peace", to "praying with our very lives for peace"? Often this is seen as being willing to lay down our lives for the myth of redemptive violence in war, or under conditions of being martyred for our faith, but praying with our lives for peace can take on so many forms...
Are we willing to make the sacrifices of time, energy, money, social status, favor, esteem, etc.... to give our lives to daily acts of peace-making?

The chance to live-for and participate-in the furthering of the Kingdom of God is the greatest honor of our pathetic lives, but it also involves a painful death... the loss of respect and dignity by those we love and trust, the loss of our morality in the eyes of the American church, the loss of even our own confidence as we question, "am i even doing the right thing?"... but it isn't a death for naught... it is the trading of death for life... "to pray with our very lives for peace..."
we will lose much, but God's creation will gain much more...

unlearning or simply forgetting...

2009-10-20T01:11:00.001-07:00

i been home for about 1 year and 2 mos now, and as i look back over this last little bit of time, i realize that i've let go of a lot of things...

when i moved home last august, one of the most cathartic things i did was clean up my book shelves... in that first week of being home, i turned my bedroom upside down cleaning from 9 or 10 in the morning until 2 or 3am... i looked through every paper, school project, book, article of clothing, CD, etc, throwing away all things that no longer represented who i am... but by far, the purging of all things past was most difficult when it came to the books... partly because these books that had shaped my values, my faith, my worldview, i could no longer respect... i couldnt even read some of the titles without cynical thoughts dancing through my head. but instead of patiently attempting to understand the thought processes behind some of this literature nor in order to unlearn the dysfunctional and flat out untruth told in some of these books, i decided to give them away... to get them out of my room, and out of my life (literally and figuratively). In those moments it wasn't about unlearning misguided perspectives, or unlearning incomplete truths, it was a blanket forgetting of all things past...

in this last year and 2 months, i've treated many aspects of life, as i did those books... forgetting rather than unlearning/relearning...

tonight i was reminded... there are some things i wish i hadn't forgotten so easily, some things i wish didn't feel so far away...

PS: some books i distinctly remember being embarrassed to own even back then, but don't worry i've kept the ones which i cannot rightly deny their impact on my life, for better or worse... (im withholding authors and titles, in order to keep my dignity...)

from Jacob to Israel...

2009-09-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
And he said to him, "what is your name?"
And he said, "Jacob"
Then he said, "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed."

ive been reminded of this story fairly often throughout the year and recently read a little commentary about Jacob. In the end the author, Rev. Frederick Buechner, writes, "God is the enemy whom Jacob fights by the river, and whom in one way of another we all fight - God, the beloved enemy. Our enemy because he demands of us everything; our selves, our wills, our treasure. Will we give them, you and I? I do not know..."

living with integrity...

2009-09-05T22:26:00.001-07:00

i been reading some M Scott Peck... he talks some about the words "integrated" and "integrity"... about how the relationship between these two words has been lost...but in reinstating their connection, he says that living a life of integrity means living an integrated life: "the profession of faith is a lie if it does not significantly determine one's economic, political, and social behavior."
an integrated faith...
living with integrity...
not so easy...

see enough to know i'm blind...

2009-08-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

over the weekend, i had a couple interactions that really made me think about where i been, where i'm going... the short of it is, i don't really know.
i ran into an acquaintance at the store the other day... we both went to the same church back in the day, but weren't really friends nor enemies... just acquaintances.... he went away for college and i hardly seen him since, until that day at the store... he started asking me tons of questions about our church, to which i had no answers... we left it at that, and agreed we'd see each other Sunday morning at service. when i got to the parking lot that morning, he also happened to be walking into service at the same time, and again he persisted in asking me all kinds of questions about church. Again, i had no answers, but i felt myself getting annoyed as he was asking... he seemed somewhat surprised that i knew hardly anything, and dropped the subject only as we were entering the Sanctuary for worship. For the first few minutes of worship, all i could think was, "why did he keep asking me all those questions, i told him ive been away since college, just like he has... why would he expect me to know all that stuff?"
On that same sunday morning, as i rode with Gramma to church, she also began to ask me questions about my participation in church activities, namely why i haven't been participating in anything these days. For her i also had no answers...

but all these questions about church and religion (outward forms), really annoyed me...

i spent most of sunday worship thinking about these two exchanges...

my faith in college was alive, and that was not the result of any coercion from my parents, it was totally and completely my choice, to own a faith that previously, i had only known through my family. in college, i showed up at every meeting, led a buncha different teams, read the bible so often that all my pen markings obscured the original print of my bible. i have no idea where it all came from, but it was a meaningful and fulfilling time... and as i look back on it, i don't feel that it was fake, or not respectable... in some ways i always feel a little nostalgic when i think about it...

but here it is, 3 years out of college, done with Mission Year, done with grad school... and from the looks of things, i have become extremely complacent, but while my faith no longer looks like what it did 3 years ago, i have to say that i have never struggled so much with God as i do now... the struggle to engage with God, no longer content to just learn about God...

its the attempt to find a balance between form and essence... the forms our faith takes, versus the essence or substance of our faith.

i struggle to read the bible and find comfort in the lifestyle that Jesus calls us to.
i struggle to worship with songs to which i cannot honestly sing the words.
i struggle to listen to sermons without becoming self-righteous and judgmental of American Christianity.
i struggle to take communion without wondering if i will remain committed to all this.
i struggle to live out God's love for the marginalized.
i struggle to pray with faith.

new every morning, new every morning...

2009-07-08T00:29:00.000-07:00

so last week i agreed to play with our church's Jr. Worship team. it's been about 3 years since i played in a team at San Bruno, and if i'm honest, i have to say that while i agreed to do it, i wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea. anyway, we were practicing tonight, and we played the old skool song "The Steadfast Love of the Lord":

The steadfast Love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning, new every morning
Great is thy faithfulness O Lord, Great is thy faithfulness.

and for a moment, my soul appreciated those words, "They are new every morning, new every morning. Great is they faithfulness O Lord. Great is thy faithfulness." ... it's been a good while since my soul has truly appreciated any worship song... so for that moment tonight, I am truly grateful...

Blessed are the Peacemakers...

2009-07-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

i been reading "Blessed are the Peacemakers" by Wendell Berry, and its an amazing little book... he talks about how Christianity, popular as it may be, has drifted far from the actual teachings of Christ of Love, Compassion, and Forgiveness.

These are some excerpts from my reading...

"For a few feckless worshipers of God to obey Christ's commandments may be all right, but in practical matters such as war, and preparation for war, we will obey Caesar. The Christian followers of Caesar have thus committed themselves to an absurdity that they can neither resolve nor escape: the proposition that war can be made to serve peace; that you can make friends for love by hating and killing the enemies of love. This has never succeeded, and its failure is never acknowledged, which is a further absurdity."

In one essay, he starts off by talking about how a lot of Christians “are exceedingly confident in their understanding of the gospel” and who “are exceedingly self-confidant about themselves in their faith … They appear to know precisely the purposes of God, and they appear to be perfectly assured that they are now doing, and in every circumstance will continue to do, precisely God’s will as it applies specifically to themselves. They are confident, moreover, that God hates people whose faith differs from their own, and they are happy to concur in that hatred.
Having been invited to speak to a convocation of Christian seminarians, I at first felt that I should say nothing until I confessed that I do not have any such confidence. And then I understood that this would have to be my subject. I would have to speak of the meaning, as I understand it, of my lack of confidence which I think is not at all the same as a lack of faith.
It is a fact that I have spent my life, for the most part willingly, under the influence of the Bible, particularly the Gospels, and of the Christian tradition in literature and the other arts. As a child, sometimes unwillingly, I learned many of the Bible’s stories and teachings, and was affected more than I knew by the language of the King James Version, which is the translation I still prefer. For most of my adult life I have been an urgently interested and frequently uneasy reader of the Bible, particularly the Gospels. At the same time I try to be a worthy reader of Dante, Milton, Herbert, Blake, Eliot, and other poets of the Christian tradition. As a result of this reading and of my experience, I am by principle and often spontaneously, as if by nature, a man of faith. But my reading of the Gospels, comforting and clarifying and instructive as they frequently are, deeply moving or exhilarating as they frequently are, has caused me to understand then also as a burden, sometimes raising the hardest of personal questions, sometimes bewildering, sometimes contradictory, sometimes apparently outrageous in their demands. This is the confession of an unconfident reader.”

"In speaking of more abundant life, Jesus is not proposing to free us by making us richer, he is proposing to set life free from precisely that sort of error. [the error of the wrong kind of abundance]."

"The way of love is indistinguishable, moreover, from the way of freedom. We don't need much imagination to imagine that to be free of hatred, of enmity, of the endless and hopeless effort to oppose violence with violence, would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of indifference would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of the insane rationalizations for our desire to kill one another - that surely would be to have life more abundantly."

"And where more than in the Gospel's teaching about love do we see the that famously estranged pair, matter and spirit, melt and flow together? There was a Samaritan who came upon one of his enemies, a Jew, lying wounded beside the road. And the Samaritan had compassion on the Jew and bound up his wounds and took care of him. Was this help spiritual or material? Was the Samaritan's compassion earthly or heavenly? If those questions confuse us, that is only because we have for so long allowed ourselves to believe, as if to divide reality impartially between science and religion, that material life and spiritual life, earthly life and heavenly life, are two different things.
[...]
They are saying that not just humans but all creatures live by participating in the life of God, by partaking of His spirit and breathing His breath. And so the Samaritan reaches out in love to help his enemy, breaking all the customary boundaries, because he has clearly seen in his enemy not only a neighbor, not only a fellow human or a fellow creature, but a fellow sharer in the life of God."

"When Jesus speaks of having life more abundantly, this, I think, is the life He means: a life that is not reducible by division, category, or degree, but is one thing, heavenly and earthly, spiritual and material, divided only insofar as it is embodied in distinct creatures. He is talking about a finite world that is infinitely holy, a world of time that is filled with life that is eternal. His offer of more abundant life, then, is not an invitation to declare ourselves as certified "Christians," but rather to become conscious, consenting, and responsible participants in the one great life, a fulfillment hardly institutional at all."

"If we take the gospels seriously, we are left, in our dire predicament, facing an utterly humbling question: How must we live and work so as not to be estranged from God's presence in His work and in all His creatures?"

going crazy?

2009-05-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

A conversion is a lonely experience. We do not know what is going on in the depths of the heart and soul of another. We scarcely know ourselves.

-- Dorothy Day

This is where you start...

2009-01-22T02:24:00.000-08:00

"In this world, irrationality clings to man like his shadow so that the right things are done for the wrong reasons - afterwards, we dredge up the right reasons for justification. It is a world not of angels but of angles, where men speak of moral principles but act on power principles; a world where we are always moral and our enemies always immoral; a world where "reconciliation" means that when one side gets the power and the other side gets reconciled to it, then we have reconciliation; a world of religious institutions that have, in the main, come to support and justify the status quo so that today organized religion is materially solvent and spiritually bankrupt. We live in a Judeo-Christian ethic that has not only accomodated itself to but justified slavery, war, and every other ugly human exploitation of whichever status quo happened to prevail..."
-- Saul Alinsky

As bleak a picture as Alinsky paints of the human condition, the hope is that this is the beginning and not the end... but in attempting to move towards the end without accepting the brokenness of our foundation, our house will be built on sand... and we all know what happens to that house.
But that these faults dont stop us from pursuing the possibility of a better tomorrow... in fact, that this brokenness would propel our hopeful, creative, and prophetic imaginations to extend beyond the limitations of society's rule, into the ancient vision to which God calls us to return...
that's our finale... the New Jerusalem.

2009-01-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

i feel like i havent heard the word "cool" in a long time... is this because its played out; or am i just too old to use the word?

Its been a long time... shouldnta left you without a dope beat to step to, step to...

2008-12-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

The Calling of the First Disciples

1One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God, 2he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch."
5Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" 9For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." 11So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

i been thinking about this story some... about how these guys did what the rich young ruler couldnt do... "leave everything, and follow him". In one swoop they became rich, and they coulda milked it a ton of different ways, but they didnt bother... they didnt even cash in on their catch, instead, they "left everything and followed him".

Currently reading: Walk With Us: Triplet boys, their teen parents, & two white women who tagged along.
Currently reading2: The Shack (dont mock me... it was recommended... and not entirely bad...)
Currently watching: Will and Grace, Season 2 Disc 1
Currently listening to: John Mayer Trio

WOOHOO!

2008-10-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

I broke 200 today at Serra Bowl! ... but i must note that yesterday at league, i watched a guy bowl 280... very impressive...

wrestled with an angel, for more than a name...

2008-10-17T00:45:00.001-07:00

"That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."
-- Genesis 32

There're a ton of questions i have about this story, but this i do understand:
In a moment where Jacob had nothing and nobody, he struggled, truly struggled, with God and he emerged from this encounter blessed, but also wounded...

crazy...

2008-10-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

So gramma has always thought that i was a little strange... she watches me do things and then tells me that thats not how normal people do it... or maybe she insults me somehow and so i deal with it by starting to sing really loud or dance around to change the subject (new subject: i'm crazy)...

So i started to do random things during the day to solidify this common notion that i may in fact be a little weird...

Gramma has a normal routine of getting her dinner and then taking it to the living room to watch TV. The other day, as she was getting her dinner, i stared at her really hard (almost glaringly), and then when she asked me why i was staring, i didnt say anything and immediately, without smiling, began raising my hand firmly and repeatedly. she shook her head at me and left the room. (i was still raising my hand). After she left, my bro asks, "What're you doing?" i answered..."trying to make gramma think im crazy by doing weird things". He said, "Oh... shes coming back! do it again!"

Then yesterday, we were standing in the kitchen and i was eating some snacks one of which involved an avocado and salsa... she made comments about how since coming back from Philadelphia I eat all this "white folks" food, which really means non-Asian food. Then i put salsa on the pit of the avocado and put it in my mouth like i was gonna eat it. She starts asking loudly, "you cant eat that! who taught you to eat it that way?" i just smiled, nodded, and said, "mmhmm..."

OH man... i need to get a life...

just enough...

2008-09-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

So, i've never been a huge fan of Jars of Clay... in fact during the height of my obsession with Contemporary Christian music in the mid 90s (permission to mock granted), i was anti-Jars of clay in the battle royale (actual or fictitious i will never know) between Jars of Clay and DC Talk... A little older and a little wiser, i've come to see that DC Talk was not all that great, and perhaps... just maybe... Jars of Clay is not all that bad... I've really come to like this song off their most recent album:

Faith Enough
By: Jars of Clay

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
See enough to know I'm blind
See enough to know I'm blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight

When I first heard it, i really enjoyed the literary devices used in juxtaposing seemingly paradoxical images to reveal deeper truths...But as i listened to it more, the words in the chorus, "it's just enough to be strong in the broken places..." branded itself into my mind. It reminds me of Ephesians 6, where Paul talks about the armor of God:

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

This whole idea of standing firm is repeated over and over in the new testament... i like it... its not overly ambitious... in fact, it only requires one thing of us: presence. It sounds simple, but its not always easy.

"It's just enough to be strong, in the broken places, in the broken places..."

... i still believe this...

2008-09-24T22:48:00.001-07:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

-- St. Francis of Assisi

Communion...

2008-09-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

I been reading some Jean Vanier lately… Him and Nouwen make one heckuva powerhouse couple… anyway, he has some pretty good things to say…
He talks about the experience of deep and utter loneliness. But then he goes on to talk a lot about love, and letting love transform us from lonely creatures into human beings. He says that there are 7 aspects of love that truly transforms the heart:

1) To reveal
2) To understand
3) To communicate
4) To celebrate
5) To empower
6) To be in communion with one another
7) To forgive

While all these sound great, his bit on communion with one another was piercing. I wouldn’t be able to do it justice, so here are some snippets:

“Communion is mutual trust, mutual belonging; it is the to-and-fro movement of love between two people where each one gives and each one receives. Communion is not a fixed state, it is an ever-growing and deepening reality that can turn sour if one person tries to possess the other, thus preventing growth. Communion is mutual vulnerability and openness one to the other. It is liberation for both, indeed, where both are allowed to be themselves, where both are called to grow in greater freedom and openness to others and to the universe.
Trust is a beautiful form of love. When we are generous, we give money, time, knowledge. In trust we give ourselves. But we can only give of ourselves if we trust that we will be well-received by someone.
Communion is at the heart of the mystery of our humanity. It means accepting the presence of another inside oneself, as well as accepting the reciprocal call to enter into another. Communion, which implies the security and insecurity of trust, is a constant struggle against all the powers of fear and selfishness in us, as well as the seemingly resilient human need to control another person.
To a certain extent we lose control in our own lives when we are open to others. Communion of hearts is a beautiful but also a dangerous thing. Beautiful because it is a new form of liberation; it brings a new joy because we are no longer alone. We are close even if we are far away. Dangerous because letting down our inner barriers means that we can be easily hurt. Communion makes us vulnerable.”

In another section he expounds by saying, “Communion is the trust that bonds us together […] it is the trust that comes from the intuitive knowledge that we are safe in the hands of another and that we can be open and vulnerable, one to another. Communion is not static; it is an evolving reality. Trust is continually called to grow and to deepen, or it is wounded and diminishes. It is a trust that the other will not possess or crush you, but rejoices in your gifts and calls you to growth and to freedom. Such a trust calls forth trust in yourself.
One who is weak, who lives in true communion with another, will not see his own weakness as something to be judged, as something negative, he will sense that he is appreciated, that he has a place.”

“When one loves with trust, one does not give things, one gives oneself and, so, calls forth a communion of hearts.”

This whole idea that communion, true communion, is inevitably linked with liberation and empowerment….that we are not for ourselves…

Dietrich Bonheoffer wrote: “In the language of the bible, freedom is not something man has for himself but something he has for others. It is not a possession, a presence, an object, but a relationship and nothing else. In truth, freedom is a relationship between two persons. Being free means ‘being free for the other,’ because the other has bound me to him. Only in relationship with the other am I free” and Gustavo Gutierrez continues, “The freedom to which we are called presupposes the going out of oneself, the breaking down of our selfishness and of all the structures that support our selfishness; the foundation of this freedom is openness to others. The fullness of liberation – a free gift from Christ – is communion with God and with other men.”

(alright...i'll stop plagiarizing from those older and wiser...)
Communion…its such a tricky thing... whether it be between ourselves and God, or ourselves and another human being… its our deepest desire and yet our greatest fear … to belong but not feel trapped, to be known but not possessed, to be supported but not controlled, to be challenged but not manipulated, to be empowered but not untimely pushed, to be held but not owned … There's a fine line between this true love and violation of the human spirit. we so easily could stunt the growth of someone who has become the object of our communion rather than being the subject with whom we commune. we so easily come to misunderstand God... we often run from stuff like this... fear overtakes us and we squelch the desire, telling our hearts that its safer to remain on this side than risk the inevitable hurt of the other side... but the safe side unknowingly erodes our hearts as we settle for a misunderstanding of God and false unity with those around us...

... alright, well.... good luck with that friends....

Let's just be honest...

2008-09-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

being back home is hard. i imagined that i would live in denial for a few days about the permanence of this move home, but eventually i'd hit bottom due to a single earth shattering event, be in a funk for a couple days, then bounce back to my usual vibrant self... this is not true. im not so convinced that theres actually a bottom... i think theres a progression, a series of bottoms, that slowly turns me toward facing life here. im constantly having these moments of, "bah...im gonna be here awhile..." and every time these moments hit, i suddenly want to break down and cry. i always hope that that moment will be the last of its kind, but it never is... i think its gonna be awhile...

i still have trouble sleeping at night... i stay up till 2:30/3 in the morning asking myself, "what am i doing here?" i havent found the answer... i guess its only been 2 weeks, 2 days, and 15 hours... seems a little longer than that...

Sweet tea...

2008-08-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

So as we were on this roadtrip i made it a point to have sweet tea at even the slightest hint of thirst... this meant at every meal, at every gas stop, sometimes even getting two bottles from one store... sadly, as we got further north and further west, my tea options became more and more sparse...
Anyway, somewhere between Johnson City, TN and Memphis, i decided that i would try to make my own tea when i got back west... My friends, today is the day...

well... lemme back it up a little... yesterday, i went out and bought some tea. When i got back, my grandma looks at it and shakes her head... "whyre you buying this gringo tea? we have plenty of tea." i said, "i know...this is different, i cant use that asian stuff for this..."

(next morning)
G-ma: "whatre you doing?... Oh making your tea, huh?"
Nui: "yep...its gonna be So Good gramma!"
G-ma: "whats all this? what? youre putting sugar in it?! Who does that? are you gonna put milk in it too??"

grammas pretty zealous for unadulterated tea... guess i'll be sipping on this goodness by my lone self... :0)

New Beginnings...

2008-08-19T00:31:00.000-07:00

I'm home.

limbo...

2008-08-15T01:06:00.000-07:00

i been on the road for the last 6 days... i left philadelphia on saturday and will get into P-town on Monday. one thing has ended and another has yet to begin. remember that song by semisonic? Closing Time? well here's a reminder if you don't:

Closing time, Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time, One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, You don't have to go home but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time, Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time,This room won't be open till your brothers or your sisters come
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits I hope you have found a friend
Closing time, Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

Closing time,Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time, Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

i'm waiting on my new beginning all while hating the other beginning's end... i wish closing time didnt suck so bad.

Lusts of the Flesh... (thanks for this awesome title Caz...)

2008-07-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

3 things i miss in this very moment:
1) Henry Weinhard's root beer...
2) Chukuana ...
3) shooting hoop...

Mommy, why?!?!

2008-07-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

i was at borders the other day browsing through the sociology section. after making my selection of a few choice books i sat down to read. not long after i started getting into the "McDonaldization of society", i heard a little boy crying... actually, he was wailing.... "Mommy, why?! why cant i have it Mommy?!" Normally, i must admit, i get a kick out of hearing little kids cry over that kind of stuff... because in the end you know that they'll be fine, that they'll get over it, and in a matter of hours they'll be at it again... but in that moment, it's as if their whole world is collapsing...

But this time, instead of slyly delighting in the distress of this young lad, i began to wonder if he wasnt just being a spoiled kid, but that he really truly did not logically understand Why. Why was this injustice taking place? Why couldnt he have whatever it was he wanted? Was it because his mother had the sheer power to say, "no", for absolutely no good reason? Someone please explain to the boy why he cant have it.

do adults do the same thing, wail like this kid over other issues? Isn't such a reaction appropriate when our worlds dont make any sense at all? when we really truly do not understand why something is happening, when things just dont make any logical sense, is it not right to ask why?

Maybe the boy was on to something...

Nah... he was probably just spoiled...

Master Party...

2008-06-25T13:15:00.001-07:00

In about 15 minutes, i will be done with my masters education...
Note to self: remember this feeling Nui, because you never want to do more school, ever again...

Ghandi's 7 Deadly Social Sins

2008-06-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

1] politics without principle
2] wealth without work
3] commerce without morality
4] pleasure without conscience
5] education without character
6] science without humanity
7] worship without sacrifice

Who goes first?

2008-06-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

So, this has happened a couple times and im never quite sure what to do: im about to go into the ATM vestibule and a guy is also about to enter. As is polite, he holds the door for me, but then is it my right to go first to the ATM? after all, he would have been first had he not stopped to open the door for me... Should I stand aside and let him go first in recognition of his position of actually getting to the door before me, AND to recognize his gesture of kind etiquette?

awesome tattoo...

2008-06-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

So... summer in Phila = huge swelling bug bites --> me scratching my legs down to the bone... i have absolutely no self control when it comes to scratching bug bites, so i'm ripping away at these bites on my lower leg (around near the shins), and i inadvertently cause them to bleed. Unknowingly, im walking around, going places with friends with all this blood now dried on the side of my leg. We get to the bowling alley, and this girl (a friend of a friend, who i just met) looks over and says, "Wow...cool dagger..." I say, "what?" pointing at my leg, she says, "your tatt, its pretty awesome..." i reply, "oh gosh... my legs bleeding... oh um... thats not a tattoo... it just dried blood...sorry... im really not that gross..."

lost...

2008-05-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

i dont know what im doing anymore...I feel so TORN!!

I need words as wide as sky
I need a language large as this longing inside
I need a voice bigger than mine
I need a song to sing you that I've yet to find
I need you, I need you...
I need you, I need you... to be here now.

-- David Crowder

Peace...

2008-04-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

On easter sunday, i sat on our back porch and read the resurrection story over and over again. In 24 years of living, it was probably the first easter sunday that i didnt spend in a church pew. As sad as that realization was, my time on the porch was not too shabby...

John 20: On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit"

"Peace be with you"... what an awesome way to greet the disciples... I can't imagine what it musta been like in that room with the disciples, scared, sad, angry, heavy hearted, on the verge of tears, feeling like fools for dedicating 3 years of life to a hoax, questioning the reality of everything they saw and lived, wondering whether or not they have a place in Jewish / Roman society after giving themselves wholly to a cause that so blatantly challenged the power and authority of these rulers...
i can imagine a silent dejection floating through the room...
then Jesus walks in. "Peace be with you." and everything changes.

MLK said, "True Peace is not merely the absence of tension, but the presence of justice and brotherhood."

Jesus shows up. He didnt end the difficulties for Jews living under Roman rule, he didnt abolish worldwide oppression, eradicate hunger, or wipe out political corruption, but he embodied justice and brotherhood, and he showed up.

"Peace be with you".
The Power of the resurrected Jesus be with you.
The presence of justice be with you.
The unity of brotherhood be with you.
The abundance of Life be with you.
The goodness of God be with you.
The strength of Truth be with you.
The beauty of woundedness be with you.
"Receive the Holy Spirit".

i havent felt this peace in a long time. everythings seemed like a battle these past couple years. i cant focus my eyes beyond the presence of tension to even begin asking whether the presence of goodness, justice, brotherhood, Truth, and life are a reality in these moments of struggle. i been so caught up in the tension that i foolishly grab for a false sense of absence-of-tension-peace, hoping to find "rest"... but cheap peace will never bring true rest.

Wake up...

2008-04-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

its about 60 degrees in Phila today... its gonna be an awesome week. to take advantage of this beautiful weather, i decided to take a nap in Rittenhouse square. Whenever i go to Rittenhouse i'm reminded of Central Park in New York, people lying out on the grass on beach towels, guys with no shirts on, girls with bikini tops and big sunglasses... i guess this is what people do when all you have is the Atlantic coast, and even thats quite a drive away... (feel that west coast elitism...) For me, its less about the "beach" atmosphere, and more about the Davis nostalgia...
During my time at davis, i always got stuck with schedules with gaping holes, where there was too little time to go home and do anything of significance, so i had to figure out what to do with myself on campus... so i went through my mental multiple choice:

A) play Area 51 in the MU Games Area
B) hit up Orange Hut
C) people watch at the MU
D) study... (D for desperation move)
E) TAKE A NAP ON THE QUAD... (fully clothed...)

Theres just something about taking naps in public places... Although in my year and a half out here in Phila, this habit has gotten me into some trouble. i've definitely been threatened with "wake up... if i catch you again, youre out" at 3 different establishments. inevitably i comply, but over time, getting caught just becomes part of the thrill...

Five

2008-03-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

so, my housemates and i went on a short but intense enneagram binge. i must say i mistyped the first time i took the test, but after taking it along with a fellow housemate (to tell me how i actually am, versus how i want to be viewed by other people), the results were quite interesting... and dare i say it, but i think i agree with this description more than the myers briggs... if you have time, check it out. Warning... the test is a bit long...

Ultimate Truth...

2008-01-28T17:37:00.001-08:00

I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh, I will see God.
I myself will see him with my own eyes - I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

-- Job

Unicorns!

2008-01-27T14:39:00.000-08:00

"The Unicorn" - Shel Silverstein

A long time ago when the earth was green
And there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen,
And they run around free while the earth was bein' born
And the loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese.
There was humpy bumpy camels and chimpanzees.
There was catsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

But the Lord seen some sinnin', and it caused him pain.
He says, "Stand back, I'm gonna make it rain."
He says, "Hey brother Noah, I'll tell you watcha do
Go and build me a floatin' zoo.

And you take two alligators, and a couple of geese,
Two humpy bumpy camels and two chimpanzees.
Take twocatsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born,
Noah, don't you forget my Unicorn."

Now Noah was there and he answered the callin',
And he finished up the ark just as the rain started fallin'.
He marched in the animals two by two,
And he called out as they went through,

"Hey Lord, I got your two alligators and your couple of geese,
Your humpy bumpy camels and your two chimpanzees.
Got your catsandratsandelephants, but Lord I'm so forlorn
Cause I just don't see no Unicorn."

Ol' Noah looked out through the drivin' rain,
But the Unicorns were hidin' playin' silly games.
They were kickin' and splashin' in the misty morn,
Oh them silly Unicorn.

Then the goat started goatin' and the snake started snakin',
The elephant started elephantin' and the boat started shakin'
The mouse started squeekin' and the lion started roarin'',
And everyone's aboard but the Unicorn.
I mean the green alligators and the long-neck geese,
The humpy bumpy camels and the chimpanzees.
Noah cried, "Close the door, 'cause the rain is pourin' -
And we just can't wait for them Unicorn."

Then the Ark started movin', and it drifted with the tide,
And the Unicorns looked up from the rock and cried.
And the water came up and sort of floated them away -
That's why you've never seen a Unicorn to this day.

You'll see a lot of alligators and a whole mess of geese.
You'll see humpy bumpy camels and lots of chimpanzees.
You'll see catsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no Unicorn.

Old Things New...

2008-01-05T01:31:00.001-08:00

One thing that i've totally come to appreciate while being back home is the hot shower. It's been awhile since i've had the luxury of taking a 15 minute shower with hot water running for the entire 15 minutes! And then to step out of the shower and have all this space to change and what not is uh-mazing! its funny how we see the same things differently over time...

the price of cool...

2007-12-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

i like music, so it makes sense that i would invest in a nice set of earphones. Last Christmas, after the holiday gift cards came in, I went out in search for these earphones. As i scanned aisle after aisle of headphones and earphones, i finally settled on THE ones: Apple in-ear earphones. It didnt matter that they were overpriced because i had gift cards, so i bought em! Initially, I was WAY excited! The box was pretty, the case was shiny, the earbuds were wrapped with this soft silicone... whats not to like?... and then it hit, i could not figure out how to fit these in my ear. i twisted and turned, and probably jammed those suckers further down the ear canal than youre supposed to, all to no avail. Needless to say, i was pretty disappointed. Every few months, I'd come back to these earphones and try em on again, with the same results... Failure. So this Christmas, I finally gave up, and said, "Merry Christmas big brother, i got you Apple earphones for Christmas!" of course he didnt believe that i was actually being that generous, so this sad sad story came out... He then helped me try to figure out how to fit these suckers in my ear, and this time, it worked!

Simplicity...

2007-12-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

so we have this potpourri in our bathroom, which makes sense...i mean people do their business and sometimes, you need some potpourri,...sometimes you need two flushes, in which case, you'll need lots of potpourri... but as i was brushing my teeth in the bathroom the other night, i wondered, 'why did we choose apple scented potpourri?', do we really think that an apple orchard next to a pile of human excrement go well together? Do we really need to couple food and feces in our olfactory memories? the next time i smell a fresh baked apple pie, guess what else i'm going to think of...

but there's not much else we can do, i mean, what scent goes well with poop? nothing i can think of... but there are scents that are more appropriate to cover up dung, for example, fresh mountain smell, or anything outdoorsy...

maybe we should just invest in some matches and keep it simple... yeah... i like simple.

Beautiful...

2007-12-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

i've just rediscovered this childhood song:

Beautiful, Beautiful,
Jesus is Beautiful,
and Jesus makes Beautiful
things of my life.

Carefully, touching me,
causing my eyes to see
that Jesus makes Beautiful
things of my life.

As much as i been confused lately about God, and the Kingdom, and whatever the hells going on here, i cannot deny that Jesus is Beautiful.

tea?... please.

2007-11-05T07:34:00.001-08:00

so... i used a coffee maker for the first time in my life this week. i know... dont know how i managed to avoid ever using one of these for 24 years! but...sidenote... i didnt use it to make coffee. i used it to make a huge thing of tea! (life lesson courtesy of Devon...) it was pretty amazing...

so thingsve been pretty crazy round these parts. i dont think i've slept before 3am at all in the last week or so... that feeling of getting into bed and laying there thinking, 'i love this part of the day...', is extremely reminiscent of college. it's such a good feeling, but its also sad that its one of my favorite parts of the day...

thesis? maybe...

2007-11-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

X-Men and the civil rights movement.
Theology of Saw.

i miss this junk...

2007-11-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

one of the things i miss most about home is grandmas jook (pronounced like "look" with a j). As much as its considered "poor mans food", I love this junk. On Saturday mornings, we'd wake up to the smell of this goodness accompanied by the blaring sounds of chinese radio... grannys jook is thick and plump with generous servings of oysters, pork, pay dahn, gwohn yow chu, mushrooms, and love (<-- AKA other ingredients i have no clue about)... so as i been out in phila, i been missing gramma's lovin. i decided about a week ago that i'd try to brew my own brand of this heavenly goodness. initially this started because we were out of food, and all we had was white rice (and some gwohn yow chu i found left over from last year), in which case this really was poor mans food, but as i've managed to get my hands on some mushrooms, pay dahn, and scallions, this has turned into a personal mission to appreciate something that i took for granted for 22 years. As i walked the aisles of the local asian market searching for ingredients, i realized, doode, i have no clue what brands are good, what's crappy, and even what's what. (<-- you know the feeling...youre standing there staring at a little sack holding what looks like dried up stars, and you know its important but that's really all you know...). When i go home for winter break, i think i'm going to ask gramma to take me to Sun Sai Gai and show me the ropes to making certain favorite dishes...
- beef tongue
- sweet and sour pork
- those little pork rib things she likes to make so much.
- JOOK
- gramma style chow mein
- sticky rice (naw mai fahn)
i'll have to think harder to expand this list... trying to come up with my favorites and also do right by gramma by learning her favorites. Why do i realize the importance of these things as i'm 2,800 miles from home??
All that to say...if she's around, give your gramma a hug!

im pretty stoked about this...

2007-10-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

New Heavens and a New Earth

17"For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth;
And the former things will not be remembered or come to mind.
18"But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create;
For behold, I create Jerusalem for rejoicing
And her people for gladness.
19"I will also rejoice in Jerusalem and be glad in My people;
And there will no longer be heard in her
The voice of weeping and the sound of crying.
20"No longer will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days,
Or an old man who does not live out his days;
For the youth will die at the age of one hundred
And the one who does not reach the age of one hundred
Will be thought accursed.
21"They will build houses and inhabit them;
They will also plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22"They will not build and another inhabit,
They will not plant and another eat;
For as the lifetime of a tree, so will be the days of My people,
And My chosen ones will wear out the work of their hands.
23"They will not labor in vain,
Or bear children for calamity;
For they are the offspring of those blessed by the LORD,
And their descendants with them.

24"It will also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.

25"The wolf and the lamb will graze together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox; and dust will be the serpent's food They will do no evil or harm in all My holy mountain," says the LORD.

Yeah... I'd say this Kingdom is pretty flippin awesome...